John Waters Wants to Host the Oscars, Says He’ll Pitch Chris Rock and Will Smith Presenting Together: ‘They Would Come Out and the Movie “Sissy Boy Slap Party” Would Be Showing’
John Waters admits he’s dreamt of winning an Oscar.
“What gay kid hasn’t done an Oscar acceptance speech?” the legendary filmmaker asks, before adding, “I’d rather be the host of the Oscars. I hosted the Spirit Awards many times, so I’ve already auditioned.”
I ask Waters to give me his best pitch for the Academy. “I would have Chris Rock and Will Smith present,” he says. “They would come out and the movie ‘Sissy Boy Slap Party’ would be showing. It’s a hilarious underground movie.”
It’s been 62 years since Waters made his first film, a 1964 short with no dialogue called “Hag in a Black Leather Jacket.” His debut feature, “Mondo Trasho,” came in 1969 and starred his frequent collaborator-to-be drag queen superstar Divine. In 1970, he drove cross-country from his Provincetown, Mass. for his first visit to Los Angeles for the premiere of his “Multiple Maniacs.”
Waters’ filmography would grow from the outrageous, like “Pink Flamingos” and “Female Trouble,” to more mainstream hits, including “Hairspray,” “Cry-Baby” and “Serial Mom.”
He would love to direct again. “I was going to adapt my first novel ‘Liarmouth,’” he says “It was optioned. I wrote the script. Aubrey Plaza was going to star, but nobody will give us the money.”
Waters and I are on a Zoom audio call ahead of his touring show, “Going to Extremes: A John Waters 80th Birthday Celebration,” which stops in Los Angeles on April 14 at The Luckman Fine Arts Complex at Cal State LA. In addition to the tour, he’ll mark his eight decades (his actual birthday his April 22) privately with a trip to France: “I’m going away with a friend to the ruins of the Marquis de Sade castle.”
Talk about exploiting my birthday. I feel like the grandfather character in “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
I did 59 shows on the road last year, including 19 Christmas ones. I’ve always done a birthday show. I have a Valentine show. I have every kind of holiday. The thing I haven’t done is Groundhog’s Day. I tour all the time. This year is more exploitable because I’m 80, and I think we’re in some bigger theaters and some new places, but it came through all my promoters. I’m a carney. I live on the road. I’m used to it.
People say that and, “Haven’t you had enough attention?” But no one in show business has ever had enough. I used to say in my show that I will die on stage. You can do selfies, and if you dig me up for sex, oral only. I don’t know if Variety will print that. But I have new jokes in this show, because I rewrite my full show once a year.
Yes, I drove across the country with [actor] David Lochary for the premiere of “Multiple Maniacs” at midnight, and I went to the Manson trial, and I was arrested for jaywalking the first time I walked across Hollywood Boulevard. I wasn’t arrested but I got a ticket. I was lucky that’s all I got considering what I looked like at the time. I guess nobody thought I was a hustler.
I always joke I’m going to turn hetero at 80 and perform cockeyed cunnilingus for the first time.
Well, that’s good. I try to make myself laugh first, and then I want people to laugh. When you laugh, I’m hoping I can get you to change your opinion. It’s easy to be shocking. It’s much harder to get people to laugh at something they never laugh about. And then they pause, then you listen to them, and I always say in this next election, then you should have sex with them. That’s what the what the Children of God used to do. They used to send out one of the flirty fish, where they have sex with people and then convert them to God. Maybe we have to do that to convert away Fox people.
It doesn’t pay enough.
Well, I already have a lot of power. And secondly, you have to please everybody. My job is the exact opposite of that.
Oh, every single thing shocks me. Are you kidding? I don’t know if you saw the picture of me at the No Kings march in protest. My sign said, “Trump Ruined Bad Taste,’ and that’s true. It’s not funny anymore. He ended bad taste. There’s nothing fun left about bad taste. Humor is terrorism. Humor is how you win wars. Humor is what I used as protection in high school, not to get beat up. You use it. That’s the power of humor, and that’s how you change people’s minds. It’s much more effective to make the enemy laugh than preach on. That’s why I hate the left and the right. I’m always the radical middleman.
No, I thought he was a hair hopper jerk, even when he was a Democrat. I used to see him at Studio 54.
He was a hair hopper. A hair hopper is someone who spends too much time on their hair without irony and brags about being rich.
No. Never. I will say he has said two funny things. When he was in the debates with Kamala Harris, he said, “Biden hates you.” That was funny. And when he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas,” that was funny. He’s right about how people dress terribly on airplanes.
I am always hopeful. I’m not even a half-full kind of guy. My glass always overflows. It’s never empty.
Being glad I’m alive and wanting to do everything since I don’t believe in an afterlife, I want to do every single thing I can while I’m here this one time. I want to read every book. I want to see every person. I want to hear every person’s bad night. I’m not a separatist. I like to hang around with straight people, gay people. There are idiots on both sides, and now since there’s a new sexual revolution, I think it’s hilarious when I hear Republican parents saying to their trans kids, “Can’t you just be gay?”
Here’s what I hope — I’m hoping it discovers the cure for cancer and it could.
My first substantial paycheck was when I was a puppeteer. I used to get 25 bucks a show when I was 12 years old. Sometimes I had two a week. I would probably buy more puppets. I invested it back in it, but at the same time, probably later marijuana. I don’t smoke it now.
I have not had a cigarette in 8498 days. I write it down every single day. The last time I smoked weed probably was in Provincetown a couple of years ago. It just makes me nervous now. It doesn’t relax me.
Well, slowing down and relaxing does not mean the same thing. Relaxing is staying home and reading a good book and not having to go out to dinner at night. Nothing slows me down. Only sickness, like Covid slowed me down when I got that. That’s why I don’t do selfies anymore. I always get it from doing selfies.
One was the only time I ever was in drag my entire life when I was about 8 years old, I was the Wicked Witch of the West. I had my 30th birthday party in a punk rock bar, and a stripper jumped out. She was my friend, but she jumped out of a cake and broke her leg. And my 40th one was at an old age home with a walker on the invitation.
Maybe I’ll write a play one day. I’ve never done that. That’s about the only thing left. I’ve never met Eminem.
He’s the only celebrity that I want to meet that I haven’t, and I keep saying that, and he never calls. I know he’s not a homophobe because he gave Elton John and his husband [David Furnish] golden cock rings when they got married.
One of the top Google searches for you is, “Is John Waters married”?
Nope, I’ve never been. I don’t have any desire to imitate a ceremony I’ve never had fun at my entire life. But I believe in marriage. My parents had a very happy 70-year marriage.
Oh, that was nothing to compare to what came later. I’m sure my father rolled his eyes, but my parents were supportive even when they hated what I was doing.
This Q&A was edited for length and clarity.
“What gay kid hasn’t done an Oscar acceptance speech?” the legendary filmmaker asks, before adding, “I’d rather be the host of the Oscars. I hosted the Spirit Awards many times, so I’ve already auditioned.”
I ask Waters to give me his best pitch for the Academy. “I would have Chris Rock and Will Smith present,” he says. “They would come out and the movie ‘Sissy Boy Slap Party’ would be showing. It’s a hilarious underground movie.”
It’s been 62 years since Waters made his first film, a 1964 short with no dialogue called “Hag in a Black Leather Jacket.” His debut feature, “Mondo Trasho,” came in 1969 and starred his frequent collaborator-to-be drag queen superstar Divine. In 1970, he drove cross-country from his Provincetown, Mass. for his first visit to Los Angeles for the premiere of his “Multiple Maniacs.”
Waters’ filmography would grow from the outrageous, like “Pink Flamingos” and “Female Trouble,” to more mainstream hits, including “Hairspray,” “Cry-Baby” and “Serial Mom.”
He would love to direct again. “I was going to adapt my first novel ‘Liarmouth,’” he says “It was optioned. I wrote the script. Aubrey Plaza was going to star, but nobody will give us the money.”
Waters and I are on a Zoom audio call ahead of his touring show, “Going to Extremes: A John Waters 80th Birthday Celebration,” which stops in Los Angeles on April 14 at The Luckman Fine Arts Complex at Cal State LA. In addition to the tour, he’ll mark his eight decades (his actual birthday his April 22) privately with a trip to France: “I’m going away with a friend to the ruins of the Marquis de Sade castle.”
Talk about exploiting my birthday. I feel like the grandfather character in “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
I did 59 shows on the road last year, including 19 Christmas ones. I’ve always done a birthday show. I have a Valentine show. I have every kind of holiday. The thing I haven’t done is Groundhog’s Day. I tour all the time. This year is more exploitable because I’m 80, and I think we’re in some bigger theaters and some new places, but it came through all my promoters. I’m a carney. I live on the road. I’m used to it.
People say that and, “Haven’t you had enough attention?” But no one in show business has ever had enough. I used to say in my show that I will die on stage. You can do selfies, and if you dig me up for sex, oral only. I don’t know if Variety will print that. But I have new jokes in this show, because I rewrite my full show once a year.
Yes, I drove across the country with [actor] David Lochary for the premiere of “Multiple Maniacs” at midnight, and I went to the Manson trial, and I was arrested for jaywalking the first time I walked across Hollywood Boulevard. I wasn’t arrested but I got a ticket. I was lucky that’s all I got considering what I looked like at the time. I guess nobody thought I was a hustler.
I always joke I’m going to turn hetero at 80 and perform cockeyed cunnilingus for the first time.
Well, that’s good. I try to make myself laugh first, and then I want people to laugh. When you laugh, I’m hoping I can get you to change your opinion. It’s easy to be shocking. It’s much harder to get people to laugh at something they never laugh about. And then they pause, then you listen to them, and I always say in this next election, then you should have sex with them. That’s what the what the Children of God used to do. They used to send out one of the flirty fish, where they have sex with people and then convert them to God. Maybe we have to do that to convert away Fox people.
It doesn’t pay enough.
Well, I already have a lot of power. And secondly, you have to please everybody. My job is the exact opposite of that.
Oh, every single thing shocks me. Are you kidding? I don’t know if you saw the picture of me at the No Kings march in protest. My sign said, “Trump Ruined Bad Taste,’ and that’s true. It’s not funny anymore. He ended bad taste. There’s nothing fun left about bad taste. Humor is terrorism. Humor is how you win wars. Humor is what I used as protection in high school, not to get beat up. You use it. That’s the power of humor, and that’s how you change people’s minds. It’s much more effective to make the enemy laugh than preach on. That’s why I hate the left and the right. I’m always the radical middleman.
No, I thought he was a hair hopper jerk, even when he was a Democrat. I used to see him at Studio 54.
He was a hair hopper. A hair hopper is someone who spends too much time on their hair without irony and brags about being rich.
No. Never. I will say he has said two funny things. When he was in the debates with Kamala Harris, he said, “Biden hates you.” That was funny. And when he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas,” that was funny. He’s right about how people dress terribly on airplanes.
I am always hopeful. I’m not even a half-full kind of guy. My glass always overflows. It’s never empty.
Being glad I’m alive and wanting to do everything since I don’t believe in an afterlife, I want to do every single thing I can while I’m here this one time. I want to read every book. I want to see every person. I want to hear every person’s bad night. I’m not a separatist. I like to hang around with straight people, gay people. There are idiots on both sides, and now since there’s a new sexual revolution, I think it’s hilarious when I hear Republican parents saying to their trans kids, “Can’t you just be gay?”
Here’s what I hope — I’m hoping it discovers the cure for cancer and it could.
My first substantial paycheck was when I was a puppeteer. I used to get 25 bucks a show when I was 12 years old. Sometimes I had two a week. I would probably buy more puppets. I invested it back in it, but at the same time, probably later marijuana. I don’t smoke it now.
I have not had a cigarette in 8498 days. I write it down every single day. The last time I smoked weed probably was in Provincetown a couple of years ago. It just makes me nervous now. It doesn’t relax me.
Well, slowing down and relaxing does not mean the same thing. Relaxing is staying home and reading a good book and not having to go out to dinner at night. Nothing slows me down. Only sickness, like Covid slowed me down when I got that. That’s why I don’t do selfies anymore. I always get it from doing selfies.
One was the only time I ever was in drag my entire life when I was about 8 years old, I was the Wicked Witch of the West. I had my 30th birthday party in a punk rock bar, and a stripper jumped out. She was my friend, but she jumped out of a cake and broke her leg. And my 40th one was at an old age home with a walker on the invitation.
Maybe I’ll write a play one day. I’ve never done that. That’s about the only thing left. I’ve never met Eminem.
He’s the only celebrity that I want to meet that I haven’t, and I keep saying that, and he never calls. I know he’s not a homophobe because he gave Elton John and his husband [David Furnish] golden cock rings when they got married.
One of the top Google searches for you is, “Is John Waters married”?
Nope, I’ve never been. I don’t have any desire to imitate a ceremony I’ve never had fun at my entire life. But I believe in marriage. My parents had a very happy 70-year marriage.
Oh, that was nothing to compare to what came later. I’m sure my father rolled his eyes, but my parents were supportive even when they hated what I was doing.
This Q&A was edited for length and clarity.